Saturday, March 10, 2012

Don't Borrow Trouble

Has anyone ever said that to you? I've never understood what that meant...who would ever "borrow trouble?" This has been said to me a lot since Ellie died. At first it was in reference to fears I had regarding my living son's health and well-being. I hovered and stressed a lot the first year after Ellie died. Nightmares and lack of sleep didn't help and neither did a miscarriage 10 months out OR losing my youngest daughter's twin at 9 weeks pregnant. Now that I have a new baby in the house, I am even more worried. It's hard enough to look at her and think about how Ellie may be developing at the same age. And it is so bittersweet to watch her play with her big brother. So, when there is a cold, or bumps and bruises, I automatically go to a dark place, if even for a minute. I have experienced the worst thing a parent can experience. I am not naive anymore.

So, am I "borrowing trouble" any more than any other mother? What good parent wouldn't worry about their child? You don't have to be neurotic, but a healthy amount of fear and listening to mommy intuition is a good thing in my mind. Am I more sensitive to normal mom-on-mom crime (what I call it when mother's passive-aggressively judge another mother...or somethings NOT so passive aggressively) because of my experiences? Maybe it is just my sensitive nature in general. I don't know. But I am sick and tired of being told, "don't borrow trouble." The next person who says that to me, may be borrowing their own trouble!

1 comment:

  1. I can totally relate to this. Mom on Mom crime...ha ha so well put! Luckily, I have had lots of support with Alex's yet to be fully diagnosed health issues, but surprisingly, from very different places than I expected. And the certain friends who I thought would be right in my corner with encouragement have failed me. It's a strange world.